Confession

Nothing makes me cringe more than when people say 'pecan' like a fucking bird.
If I had a tennis racket in my hand, I'd hit you.

Confession

when people mispronounce nanaimo bars as 'namo', i have to try really hard to stop myself from blurting out 'you're saying it wrong, idiiiiyot'

confession

when people park on bloor street infront of our store, I secretly hope they get a parking ticket.

Reason # 6

People come in higher than Snoop D-O double G himself and I have to answer 'so liiiike, what's good here?' oh, I don't know.. 47 times.
Everything. Everything is good.
Now go and put some visine in your eyes. You fail at looking sober.
Oh, and you smell like a bong.

i listen to children have temper tantrums every day.
my vagina shrivels up in disgust every time.

Reason #4

the soap we have at work leaves my hands dry as fuck.
there isn't enough jergens in the world to moisturize them.

Reason #3

we're supposed to listen to 104.5 chum fm.
i'm also supposed to stay sane.
this is a rule i break all. the. time.

Reason #2

i smell like sugar when i get home.


this is only acceptable if you're trying to woo the pillsbury dough boy.
i, although single, am not.

Reason #1

on a daily basis, hearing 'i don't know how you work here and aren't, like, 400 pounds!'

i don't go batshit crazy on our sweet treats like half of the customers that come in here.
that's how.